Motherhood is Imperfect

When I became a mother I never knew what it would mean to love something so much your heart felt like it could burst into a million little pieces.

I distinctly remember the feeling when my firstborn, a tiny boy, was laid on my chest after I pushed for nearly two hours.

I was physically exhausted, but the moment our eyes met it was pure bliss.  The fireworks went off between us, an unspoken language of our own.

He was precious, a mere five pounds and one ounce, but he was mine, all mine, and #madewithlove .

As the weeks turned into months, I realized something was not right.  He was falling behind on his milestones, and at the year mark he would not even look us in the eye.

That precious little baby was now a toddler lost in his own little world.
As his mother it pained me to watch him struggle so hard to do things most normal kids did easily.

Finally, at the age of three, still lost and non-verbal, he was given the diagnosis of autism.

I remember sitting in the office room chair as I watched the doctor’s mouth move without sound, and all my dreams of what motherhood should be crashed down around me.

A bit relieved, however, to finally know a reason for his delays, my mind raced over this new meaning of motherhood.

I knew one thing with certainty:  I was going to be okay and my son was going to be okay.

I was not a perfect mother, but I would fight for him harder because he was #madewithlove.

Motherhood is an Imperfect Journey

Being a special needs mother is exhausting.  There are days when you think you cannot move forward, but you do.

When you question everything you do, but then magical moments happen that bring back that glimmer of hope.  You are blessed to be his mother and proud to call him your son.

Now eight years into our journey together I look back at all the hard fought progress and know it was #madewithlove.